Johnny: Live, from bunker 27, it’s the Saddam Ditka show!
Johnny: But Bush really likes to go to the air. These days, you can’t just win wars on the ground.
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Johnny: Actually, you didn’t beat Iran. It was a tie, in 70,000 overtimes. Maybe you can stick to the ground against an army like Iran, but against the big boys you really need the bombs.
Saddam: The Scuds are what got us here, Johnny. We’re sticking with the Scuds.
Guy in audience: Hi, oh Great Slayer of Satanic Sissies. Nice job against Iran. But why are you so stuck on the Scuds? They never hit their targets. They’re always getting intercepted. Why don’t you trade them all to Libya for some Minutemen?
Johnny: Let’s look at defense. Now, when you started falling behind you went back to basics with the human shields.
Saddam: We don’t know that, Johnny. He’s listed as questionable with a bullet hole in the temple. If he’s ready to go, we’ll put him out there. If not, we’ll go with somebody else. That’s the good thing about this bunch of guys. We don’t rely on one leader. It’s a different guy every week. That’s what got us here.
