I find an error buried in my phone bill, back on page one of section four, beyond Telebriefs, near the introductory announcement about the exciting new Ameritech Master Card “with the power of a calling card,” which I’ll soon be hearing about in the mail–or if I can’t wait that long I can call an 800 number to get the details immediately.
I decide to call, and I get Colleen. I tell her there’s an error. Colleen’s sigh indicates that she has little patience for any schlub whose life is so empty that he has time to read all the way to section four of his phone bill.
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Colleen launches into a spiel similar to the one the OAN customer-service guy gave me last month. But her tone gives her away: it’s so thick with boredom it’s clear that her entire job all day every day must consist of nothing but dealing with schlubs who have time to read their phone bills. Zero Plus Dialing, she says, is not a phone company that owns pay phones or sets rates, merely a “clearinghouse” for a number of phone companies that do.
“But Colleen,” I say, “this charge is–”
Connie mutters something to the effect that I’m trying to put words in her mouth. I explain that all I’m asking her to do is tell me, if she can, who owns the pay phone. Then I can call that company and bug her counterpart directly.
“That’s right.” I wonder if she just now discovered that herself or whether she knew it all along and was stalling for time, hoping to wear me down.
Before hanging up, I ask her if there’s any way–beyond the unthinkably quaint method of pumping coins into a pay phone–I can avoid paying Mob Bell rates, and she says I should punch in my calling card code.
