To the editors:
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“Fatherhood and Mental Illness: Mother wants what’s best for her kids; Daddy only wants what’s best for Daddy, that is peace and quiet, pandering to his delusion of dignity (‘respect’), a good reflection on himself (status) and the opportunity to control and manipulate, or, if he’s an “enlightened’ father, to ‘give guidance’. . . . Daddy doesn’t love his kids; he approves of them–if they’re ‘good,’ that is, if they’re nice, ‘respectful,’ obedient, subservient to his will, quiet and not given to unseemly displays of temper that would be upsetting to Daddy’s easily disturbed male nervous system–in other words, if they’re passive vegetables. If they’re not ‘good,’ he doesn’t get angry–not if he’s a modern, ‘civilized’ father (the old-fashioned ranting, raving brute is preferable as he is so ridiculous he can be easily despised), but rather expresses disapproval, a state that, unlike anger, endures and precludes a basic acceptance, leaving the kid with a feeling of worthlessness and a lifelong obsession with being approved of. . . . For the kid to want Daddy’s approval, it must respect Daddy, and being garbage, Daddy can make sure that he is respected only by remaining aloof, by distantness, by acting on the precept ‘familiarity breeds contempt,’ which is, of course, true, if one is contemptible.
“The effect of fathers, in sum, has been to corrode the world with maleness. The male has a negative Midas Touch–everything he touches turns to shit.”
