Disarmament
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Gorbachev wants to cut back on the arms race because it’s bankrupting his country. Americans would like to help, but if the defense industry collapses the only jobs left in America will be in fast foods. The answer is for the U.S. to build twice as many tanks and bombers as we do now and give half of them to the Soviet Union. This will guarantee full employment at home, take the pressure off the Soviets, and preserve the balance of power that has kept the world at peace.
Central America
Let’s take stock! What does America have a surplus of that other countries could possibly use? The answer is, Republicans. These doughty troupers make hardy, docile workers, pugnacious bosses, and happy breeders. You won’t catch Republicans striking or marching on seats of government! On the other hand, they eagerly repel intruders marked by funny last names or philosophies. Once Third World despots start buying Republicans from us and putting them to work, they’ll wonder what they ever saw in the Peace Corps.
