Tonight, I want to talk to you about the wind,” announced Joe Perry. “Everybody has felt the wind, but how many of you have ever seen the wind? Don’t go away.”
Someone asked, “Why don’t you put it in Wrigley Field?”
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Every year, sometime around Thomas Edison’s birthday, the Inventors’ Council holds an inventors’ showcase, which both inventors and manufacturers can attend. There are no formalities, no lists to sign, no red tape. In the words of the council’s executive director, Donald Moyer, to the assembled, “This evening’s for you. Just fight your way to the front and show us what you got.” Moyer, an imposing presence with his deep voice and full beard, peered into the audience and observed, “I don’t see enough strange-shaped packages out there.” He then laid down the only two rules of the evening: no inventor could try to sell his product while showing it, and each person must try to keep his presentation to about five minutes. “I will do what I can to regulate that. Fairly vigorously,” he added ominously, wielding a long black-tipped pointer.
Sam G. Zaccone came to the front carrying a small brown package. “How many of you people like birds?” he asked. When nobody responded he went on. “Last year my neighbor gave me a peach tree, and I tied it to a stick in the ground to keep it growing straight. Well, along comes a mother robin and she starts grabbin’ at some of the strands of string I’d used, and she’d fall backward on her behind trying to pull them out. So I told my wife, ‘Let’s watch,’ and it took a long time for that old robin to finally give up. So I thought, there’s gotta be a way of giving her some help, and this is what I came up with.”
Some of the inventors were a little bashful, but one who had no trouble was filmmaker Jack Chia, an energetic man in his mid-40s. His invention was an electronic device to prevent diaper rash. “I have three kids,” he began, “and all the time they had diaper rash. Some of you may not be familiar with this, but it’s painful and costly, and though medicines are available, it’s after the fact. Scientists and doctors say to change diapers as frequently as possible. But how frequently is that? Nobody can define it.
A bemused Moyer finally called time, but as Anderson pulled together his various cables and skis, he made one final comment: “I have one more deal. If I get people to take me in and sell my products, I’ve got a deal going that I’ll ride all the way across America on a bike to raise money for the American Cancer Foundation.”
“Now,” Miller continued, rubbing his hands together, “custom words. There’s a secondary product you can purchase called the vocabulary-expansion module. And that allows you to put in five of your own words.” The audience giggled, knowing there must be some sort of catch. “But for those of you who might be tempted to put in something that’s not a courteous message, the module includes a spell-checking program.” The audience groaned in disappointment.
