Sunita* studied the patterns on the hotel-room floor, only half listening to the chatter of the two families. He sat on the couch, a few feet away. She had never seen him before, but she knew this meeting could lead to marriage and was too embarrassed to look at him. She stole one glance, noticed his fair skin, and looked back at the floor.
“What do you think?” her parents asked, taking her aside. “I don’t know,” she replied. “What do you think?” “We like him,” they said. Rahul’s parents had taken him outside and were putting the same questions to him.
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Shekhar sought the help of relatives and acquaintances living in India. His sister placed advertisements in the right newspapers, weeded out the letters that followed, and forwarded 35 of them to America. With the help of Vijay, Shekhar narrowed the choice down to five in the space of a year. After a furious correspondence, one woman was selected, and an 18-day trip to India was planned. “I was 90 percent sure that this was the right girl,” Shekhar says, “but we had not made any formal decision yet.”
Vijay says he found Malini to be “very affectionate and nice.” He adds, “There was fear, but at some point you have to make a commitment.” The marriage was a traditional Indian extravaganza, and the couple even had a few days left over for a honeymoon.
Vijay was given not only the choice to refuse but also the opportunity to go out with Malini. “I wanted them to get to know each other better,” says Shekhar, “so Vijay took Malini out for three whole days before deciding. Of course Vijay’s younger brother and Malini’s brother accompanied them.”
Ask Marie’s brother, Srivanas, an engineer who also lives in Chicago, why he chose an arranged marriage, and he laughs. “It’s much easier,” he says. He met his wife in India, talked to her for an hour, and married her ten days later. He too has been married seven years. “An arranged marriage is a win-win situation,” he says. “Marriage here is based on physical decisions, but long-term marriage is not based on that. It is based on a commonality of culture, education, and background. I really thought about the issue before going through with the marriage, and I think I made the right decision.”
