Lead Story
According to an October story in the San Jose Mercury News, members of RECAP (“Recover a Penis”), an organization of several dozen men who meet regularly in the San Francisco area to discuss ways to restore their foreskins, are divided on the issue of technique. Some support surgical reconstruction, while others are in favor of “stretching,” described by RECAP founder Wayne Griffiths as pulling loose skin over his penis, taping it in place, and using “Foreballs,” a device he invented consisting of two small ball bearings, to add weight and pull the skin down. Griffiths said he wore the device for up to 12 hours a day, five days a week for a year, and that he now has enough skin to cover the head of his penis without taping. “The [sexual] feelings are sensational,” he said. Said a urologist who supports the group, “They want to enhance their image whether it is in their pants or on their face. Who am I to say otherwise? No way. No way.”
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According to a trade-union newspaper in the Commonwealth of Independent States, as reported in Fortune magazine in January, several textile workers jointly purchased three lottery tickets, and one of them took the ticket that ultimately won (the prize was a car) home for safekeeping. The worker promptly died and was buried in his best suit, into which, of course, he had put the ticket. When the widow agreed to have the body exhumed, the casket wasn’t there, and authorities later discovered a thriving business in which caskets were being dug up and stripped clean. The prize car, which had been claimed, was traced to a man who had purchased the husband’s suit at a thrift shop. The widow eventually got the car, cashed it in, and donated the money to victims of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster.
Least Competent Person
Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Shawn Belschwender.
