Everything in this world ultimately connects; I believe this with all my heart. No problemo! I like to say. No problemo. And neighbors who know better smile at this foolish gringo fumbling the graceful mother tongue. They are kind to me, a dignified senior citizen complete with bus pass, monthly checks from the government, and an old house that is constantly in need of repair.
Here is a partial list of things you can buy at Handy Andy:
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No wonder one of these characters in the parking lot thinks he can sell me a camcorder. “How about it, pops?” Pops? How would he like it if I called him “boy”?
Or until Handy Andy eventually solves the problem. One of the many many items on sale this month is a three-shelf bookcase– available in natural wood or attractive black finish–that looks like it ought to do the job.
Pare! Verifique que su caja contiene todas las partes!
A vertical izquierdo, a vertical derecho. Those must be the sides. Two anaqueles estacionarios, two anaqueles graduables. Perhaps shelves? But why then are some estacionarios and the others graduables, and how am I to know which is which? What, I wonder, is a viga? Or an entrepano posterior? Twenty-five clavos? In a little package of hardware, I find 25 tiny nails. Now I’m getting somewhere. Two tornillos. I find two screws and a little bracket they seem intended for. Could that be the esquadra? This leaves eight kd cerrojos, eight kd tarabillas, eight tarugos, and four soportes de los anaqueles graduables. It goes without saying that Muebles Ameriwood does not provide a diagram.
Must I get into my car, drive back to Handy Andy, fight my way through those homeless people, endure that Christmas music again, and find a clerk who actually waits on people? Or (and here is how the people on my block fit into this story) what about the neighbors, almost any one of them could easily read this stuff. How merrily they would laugh at my plight–and that is exactly why they will never learn of it! Mexicans are not the only people in this world who care about being macho.
