The flag! We’ve got to act quick if we’re going to save it. Please, please, read this. A constitutional amendment? Does anybody realize how long it takes to get an amendment through? Our forefathers, those guys in the powdered wigs and funny hats, what did they know about urgency? An amendment? First the House. Then the Senate. Then the states. It takes three quarters of just about everybody, maybe even the governors. I don’t know. I don’t care. It could take years, time enough to burn every flag in America. We can’t wait. Here, listen to me, I have the solution. I, a modest but patriotic citizen, a lover of all things red white and blue. And it’s such a simple solution. Tomorrow morning, Congress could put it into action. Tomorrow, not seven years from now, we can save the flag.
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Easy. My bill declares that any flag not made of flameproof material shall not be an official flag. Get it? If it burns it ain’t a flag!
