Atrocity buffs, it was a boffo year in local politics, with scenarios that approached–but could not quite match–that international epic George of Arabia Meets the Thief of Baghdad in Desert Hell at High Noon for the Love of the Seven Sisters. Nor could we quite rival that beltway blockbuster The Dead S and L Society, with sound track by the Keating Five, or the comedy classic Abbott and Costello Meet Gramm and Rudman, with all 435 members of the House collectively playing the role of Abbott and 100 senators doing Costello.
It has been 12 years since this series started; I directed the first episode, at a time we thought she was real. By the third episode the series had become a bit boring, but the media moguls at Channels 2, 5, 7, 9, and 32 believe we want more remakes of this horror story, so they flock to her like flies to a manure heap. All that’s missing from the scenario now is the reappearance of Eddie “Jason” Vrdolyak. It’s a pity that Charlie “Count Dracula” Swibel could not live to see it.
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In this melodrama Neil Hartigan, whose career almost ended with the 1986 flop Requiem for a Lightweight, makes a strong comeback by donning 86 pounds of makeup and posturing as a Republican. Though the sight is repellent to many, the elephantine look briefly captivates audiences downstate and in the outlying suburbs of Chicago. But the folks from his hometown rise up, strip him of his disguise, and expose him as “Robocandidate,” half human, half machine. This sight is too gruesome for anyone to bear. He falls under the weight of his political baggage, unable even to crawl to the fabled elephant’s graveyard.
The Three Stooges Meet Milli Vanilli
An alternate version of the award-winning nature film, fuzzy-headed Steve Baer, head of the United Republican Fund, gambols through the wilds of Illinois committing unnatural acts against Republican officials who disagree with his right-of-Schlafly ideology. Younger and more sensitive viewers may be repelled by scenes of political cannibalism, but all ends well enough when the Baer turns out to be toothless.
The Jack Nicklaus Story
The Millionaire
