Everyone knows that nowadays artificial insemination is used to breed everything from cattle and horses to rhinos, gorillas, and humans. I know how they get sperm from humans, but how do they get it from bulls and male gorillas? Do they show them dirty heifer pictures? Gorilla porn? Do they use blow-up female rhino dolls? The mind boggles. –S.J. Cowdery, Dallas
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Go boggle on your own time, pal. In keeping with the Straight Dope tradition of brutal frankness, however, I may as well tell you that perhaps the most common method of sperm collection involves an artificial vagina. I had thought to edify the Teeming Millions with a do-it-yourself version of this technique taken from an animal breeding manual, but on second thought it’s too icky for words. Suffice it to say it involves a 2 3/4-inch automobile radiator hose 18 inches long, a 30-by-3-inch automobile inner tube, and a family-size bottle of Vaseline. An entirely different method, it says here, is “rectal massage of the ampulla.” They even show pictures, for Chrissake. Just be thankful I’m doing this job and not you.
THE 200-MPG CARBURETOR REVISITED
You blew it on the question of whether there really are super-high-mileage carburetors [March 17]. High-mileage carbs are based on a simple principle. Detroit carbs put gas in the engine by spraying it in; much of the gas goes into the cylinder still in droplets and burns incompletely. High-mileage “vapor” carburetors pre-warm the gas using exhaust heat pumped through an in-line chamber. This enables the gas to evaporate quickly but thoroughly. More gas is burned and less goes out the tailpipe as pollution. Detroit seems to avoid these designs because they cost more. (Remember saving five cents per Pinto?) But better carbs are out there for the tinkering. –Fred Baube, Washington, D.C.
