WHY COWS ARE LOUSY TIPPERS
Best of Chicago voting is live now. Vote for your favorites »
You have been misinformed about the fabled practice of cow tipping. I spent a year working on a dairy farm where I participated in countless 3:30 AM milkings and observed over 300 sleeping cows a day. Cows sleep lying down, not standing up. –Mitchell Bellman, Montreal, Quebec
People such as myself who are always out there on the front lines of science learn to expect stuff like this. On the one hand, you have profound theoretical and philosophical reasons cow tipping is impossible; on the other, somebody who claims to have seen it done. No doubt my colleagues at Fermilab have similar problems looking for quarks.
Given the inconclusive state of the cow tipping debate, I am pleased to make the following definite statement regarding Ms. Hernandez’s claim about horses’ sleeping habits: it’s wrong, you ignorant sack of slime. Horses routinely fall into deep sleep while standing up–which is not to say they can’t be startled awake. Some can go many days without lying down, though most recline for at least a short time each day. One researcher (Winchester, 1943) has claimed that horses use less energy while standing than lying down–for one thing, it’s easier to breathe. Sounds good to me, bro. Next case.
