“Nobody hustles me. I don’t get hustled. I’m a New Yorker.”
“So, I want to walk by him real quick because I know he’s gonna be asking for some spare change and I’m sick as hell of bums coming up to me asking for change. They’re on every fucking block in New York. Guys friggin’ have to get up early so they can get the good corners to stand on.”
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“You mean pathetic?”
“He answers his own phones?”
“So he picks up the phone, right? And he’s like ‘What do you want?’ And I’m like ‘There’s this dude over here who found this envelope’ and so forth. So the doctor goes ‘Hey! Great! I didn’t know that was what he wanted.’ There’s a $200 reward for that envelope–it’s got a bunch of valuable stamps in it.’ And he’s like ‘Why don’t you come over to my office, give me the stamps, and I’ll get you the reward.’ And me, being the nice guy I am, I say ‘Well, this guy found it–so he should get the reward.’ And he’s like ‘Well, I’d really much rather deal with you than this guy, so can you do it?’ And I’m like ‘Look–the guy could use it a lot more than me.’ And so he says ‘I’ll tell you what–how much money do you have on you?’ And I say ‘I don’t know. Twenty or 30 bucks?’ And he says ‘I’ll tell you what–why don’t you give him the 30 bucks? And you can come by my office and I’ll give you the reward.’ And I say ‘Cool. That’s great.’ So everything works out. I give the bum the 30 bucks. He’s happy. And he gives me the envelope.”
We got into my car and drove toward the address of the doctor’s office on South Wabash.
