As big cities go, Chicago isn’t very class conscious. Maybe it’s because we haven’t been at it as hard or as long as places like London and New York.
- DUMBIES: Despicably Unquestioning Mainstream Bourgeoisie
Classes 2 through 6 are self-explanatory. Class 6, sometimes referred to as the nouveau riche, is easily the most persecuted in America, especially by the servants of class 7, aka Old Money. The denizens of class 1 are frequently called the homeless by sociologists and “a bunch of bums” by my grandmother (the one who voted for Reagan). Class 8 dwells in the crosswinds of contempt, i.e., Mice revile all the other classes and all the other classes revile Mice for reminding them of their own inadequacies. Mice fancy their lives as being perched at an eminence several calibrations above the petty symbols, vacant goals, and trivial pursuits of other classes.
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Second, if you suppose that you’re immunized against the shallow malice of status, suppose again. Nobody can sidestep the twisting vagaries of trend, the blueprints that shape our social structure. And you wouldn’t want to be a nobody, would you? So jimmy that scowl from your face; submit to your destiny and begin scoring yourself.
(4) Where you shop for women’s clothing: Muddies: Just wear old clothes. Poopies: Lerner’s. Puppies: Madigan’s. Dumbies: The Limited. Clubbies: Marshall Field’s. Glitzies: Janis. Oafs: See Muddies. Mice: Flashy Trash.
